As clichéd as it may sound, one of the first and foremost things to do when beginning the search for love is to learn to love yourself. As Christian Nevell Bovee once said “Our first and last love is… self-love.” Without a deep awareness of and love for yourself, it is difficult to form meaningful relationships with others. Building self-esteem and confidence will improve how you feel about yourself, which increases your internal happiness, and this will be projected onto others when you interact them. One way you can start building your self-esteem and confidence is through your appearance.
I’m not going to lie and say that looks aren’t important. I will also add here that looks aren’t the be all and end all, and those that judge others purely on their looks are superficial jerks. But the first opinion you form of someone else – a future partner, perhaps – is based on a visual judgement, often within the first few seconds of seeing someone. This isn’t being ‘ judgemental’, but rather an inherent characteristic of human nature. If your appearance isn’t as good as it could be, you might be fighting an uphill battle to gain someone’s interest from the first glance (as a task, next time you see a stranger on the street, consciously think about the judgements you make of others at first glance).
Now, this doesn’t mean going out and buying an expensive suit, having plastic surgery or anything outrageous like that. It means taking your own style and presenting it at its best. Your appearance can tell people many things – how you care for yourself, your attitude – and you are essentially the figurehead for your own particular brand. Think about your own image and what it is representing – is your image betraying the person inside? Is it hiding something you should be showing off to the world?
There are some simple things anyone can do to feel good about themselves. Beginning with good personal hygiene looking and smelling fresh and clean can go a long way – so don’t feel too guilty about an extra minute in the shower. Choose an outfit for the day you feel comfortable and confident in, style your hair, and lightly spray on your favourite cologne or perfume. And remember to smile – as they say, smile and the whole world smiles with you.
What do you love about yourself? What could you improve on, and is it really that important that you change?
In the next post of Part 1: Find Love, I discuss how best to perform a thorough self-diagnosis of yourself to find out what you really want from a relationship/partner and help ensure you are looking for (and finding) the right love for you (see Step 2. Know Thy Self & What You Really Want From A Partner).