How To Flirt – Flirting Via Texting & Messages

This post addresses how to flirt with someone via texting and messages and to perfect your writing style to win the interest of the object of your affection. In today’s busy world, texting and short messaging is the most common form of communication. Therefore, knowing how to text appropriately, including flirting with others, has become ever more important.

Use appropriate language

There’s nothing worse than someone attempting to use language outside of their age bracket. I’ve seen parents, for example, try to text their children with modern-speak (think LOL, LMAO, and so on) and just look inappropriate and lame. There is a whole group of people out there who think LOL stands for ‘Lots Of Love’. Not only is what you say in your text important, but the language you use tells the recipient a lot about you. Don’t come on too strong or use overly sexual language, which along with sending explicit sexual photos, is a big complaint from many women (see our post on 10 Things Men Want Women To Know & Women Want Men To Know. Your photos can be forwarded onto others at the click of a button, and can embarrass you in front of your friends, family and colleagues. Sexting scandals have ruined relationships, families, careers and reputations.

Check your spelling and grammar

Along with the style of language used in your message, make sure you check your spelling and grammar. Sending messages that are incomprehensible or inarticulate with sloppy grammar or incorrectly spelled words makes you look like a fool and makes the recipient feel like you don’t care about them enough to put in effort for them. Your writing doesn’t need to be perfect prose, but at least give your text a once-over before sending it. Watch out for the auto-correct function on your phone, too – you may end up saying the wrong thing and end up on a website like Autocorrect Fail. And finally, before you press send, always check your text is going to the right person! These quick checks can avoid a potentially embarrassing situation – imagine a flirty message going to a family member by accident.

Choose an appropriate time to text

There are many good times to send a text, but there are also a few times when you should NOT text someone. One such time is inappropriately late at night or early in the morning. Many phones have silent or ‘do not disturb’ functions on them, but be aware of your recipient’s schedule, and when might be appropriate to text them. Another time not to text someone is when you are incredibly drunk – drunken text messages usually end in embarrassment or hilarity (see Texts From Last Night for some examples) – but not very often do they result in a positive impact on your love life. A couple of drinks can give you the courage to message your crush, but any more than a few and you should keep your phone in your pocket. Try not to message someone – particularly someone you like – when in a highly emotional state (angry, sad, annoyed) as you may say something you regret and turn them off seeing you. No-one likes supporting emotional baggage in the early stages of a relationship. Finally, for safety’s sake, don’t text and drive. Texting requires a decent amount of concentration, using both your eyes and hands, which will distract you from driving and put you, your passengers and other road users at risk. Use a hands free kit with a text-to-speech facility or use an app for your phone like Siri, Skyvi (Siri for Android), SMS Reader, and so on. Although, there are studies that show this is still distracting and risky behaviour.

Be casual, be cool, be creative

You should never go too overboard or come on too strong in a text message, so try to be as natural as possible. So many people over-think what they’re going to say that the text or message feels forced and unnatural. Some of the rules of flirting via texting or messaging are not so different to those in real life, and the best flirts come across as easy going and natural. Subtlety and balance are crucial, but also try to be creative. It is a much greater skill to be creative and come across as interesting when using only words as your medium, and they’ll be impressed if you can pull this off. Make them laugh, make a clever or interesting observation, or just be original in the best way that you can be (don’t try to be someone that you’re not). Don’t try too hard, though, and don’t try to be too funny or seem too eager or enthusiastic – it can be a major turn-off.

How to begin your conversation

One of the best ways to start a text conversation is to ask a question. It can keep a conversation going and you can learn more about the other person. Keep the questions simple and open-ended, which gives them more opportunity to answer, but don’t be too open-ended or philosophical in a way that might puzzle them. Ask them their opinion on a new movie, restaurant, band or news item (news that isn’t too controversial). Be thoughtful, too – if you know they were doing something important (a sports competition, a test or exam, or a job interview), ask them about it and show that you care. If they’ve been sick, ask if they’re feeling better. You could also write about an observation or something else that made you think of them. It may have been a place you visited or something you ate or a conversation you had – it informs them that you were thinking of them without being too direct.

Taking flirting to the next level

A little naughtiness or teasing can be a great way to take the flirting to the next level, but it requires subtlety, indirectness and MUCH CARE. As mentioned above, sexting can turn off many women, particularly sending in-your-face sexually explicit photos. Learn to read the nature of their replies to gauge whether or not a particular topic or level of conversation is appropriate at that point of time. Something like ‘TMI’ (= Too Much Information) as a response is good indication you’ve already said enough. Tease your crush lightly and be a little playful, but not too much. Sometimes an overly sensitive recipient, mixed with a lack of forethought, can end up with them being offended – see 7 Deadly Relationship Sins – What Not To Do In Love – Part 2. Keep it light, make it clear that you’re joking, and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. You could think about a silly nickname for them and use it when you contact them. Don’t forget to complement your crush either – find a subtle way to let them know they looked cute or nice, or that you like their new haircut or outfit.

Do I call or do I text?

Some people really don’t enjoy the cumbersome effort of typing out a message and prefer the relative simplicity of talking on the phone. On the other hand, some people find texting more preferable and hate talking on the phone. With texting, they can answer in their own time and can text more easily in certain situations, like when with others, when on public transport, when in a class or lecture, and so on. Try to gauge your interest’s preference early on and communicate with them in the way they prefer.

Treat texting for what it is – a casual form of communication

Remember texting and messaging for what they are – a casual, short form of communication – and don’t expect to build a meaningful, deep connection. It might be a great way for a little flirting, to learn a little more about each other or to make plans, but you can’t beat the connection that can be made in person. There’s less chance of a miscommunication via texts and messages, too, because you can read their body language and judge the tone of their voice.

With these tips at hand, it’s your turn now to try some of them out yourself. Good luck! And stay tuned for the next post on How To Flirt – Flirting In Person.

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Online Dating – Could A Facebook Dating App Become The World’s Biggest Dating Site?

Facebook-Dating-Apps

Something I’ve been wondering lately is why Facebook doesn’t get involved in online dating? One of the biggest problems with online dating is knowing whether or not a site is reputable (after all, you’d be giving them your personal information, including perhaps your credit card details), but another problem is working out how many of the users they claim to have are actually active (and REAL). Having a large and active user base is the holy grail for most dating sites.

There are a number of sites who exaggerate their numbers, but there are even worse sites who create fake profiles to seem more popular than they are (then disappoint their customers when they don’t get many replies!). This is more common with adult sites, and it’s even harder to tell on those kinds of sites, as people try to be as anonymous as possible, creating further doubt.

I’m sure someone else has already thought of this idea long before me (I know there are some apps already not sanctioned by Facebook themselves though), but with a database of users as large as Facebook’s why don’t Facebook themselves try their own dating service? Users could opt in to the service, which could be in the form of an app, and like other apps, users can choose their own privacy settings depending on whether or not they want their friends (and the general public) to know that they’re looking (you might get unwanted date invites from your friends and colleagues!). You could create a dating profile using the details from the user’s Facebook profile with the click of a few buttons… and if anyone’s used online dating before, you’ll know that writing an online profile is really tedious, and selling yourself in this respect is an art form in itself (there is a business in writing online dating profiles!).

Your Facebook page would already have quite a lot about your likes/dislikes, your interests, and maybe even more (like your religion if you have one, your political views, and so on). It would only take someone to write a smart matching algorithm to match potential mates using the wealth of information available on Facebook. Facebook users could opt in or out of the service at the click of a button. With reportedly over one billion active users, it could potentially be the biggest and most useful dating app/site in the world. Food for thought perhaps?

Imagine personalised recommendations, for a potential partner or even just a friendship, that partnered you with relevant people. For example: Matt, you and Belinda both enjoy mountain biking and hiking, watching action movies, travelling around Asia, eating at Italian restaurants, and are looking for a long-term relationship with a view to marriage. Much better than “Hey, you have 10 friends in common! How about it?”, I think.

Some existing Facebook dating apps include ZooskSpeedDate and Online People, but there’s much room for improvement (none of these are actually very good). For traditional online dating websites and smartphone apps, check out our post on Online Dating – The Best Dating Websites & Apps To Look For Love.

What do you think? Do you think a dating site spun off from Facebook profiles – like Facebook Dating – is a good idea?

Online Dating – The Best Dating Websites & Apps To Look For Love

A few weeks ago, I posted Step 3. (Where To) Start Looking For Love, and one of the places to start looking for love is online, otherwise known as online (or Internet) dating. There are a number of advantages to online dating: you can browse profiles without having to interact with anyone, and do so in the privacy of your own home. You can match up yourself with your preferred type of partner (and if you’re not sure of exactly what you want, see Step 2. Know Yourself & What You Really Want From A Partner for some help).

Online Dating Websites

A number of websites now use matching algorithms – some sophisticated, some not so – to help you find your ‘perfect match’. A couple of particular sites that use decent matching algorithms are eHarmony and OkCupid, and Plenty Of Fish claims to have the “world’s most advanced matching system” and has over a million users worldwide. The best thing about Plenty Of Fish is that it is free to use, but many dating websites are either free to browse (paid membership required to contact others) or have an inexpensive trial membership. Also, with reportedly over one billion active users, Could A Facebook App Become The World’s Biggest Dating Site? Badoo uses your Facebook login details and has over 180 million users for new friends, chatting and dating, and is linked with the smartphone app Blendr (see below).

Another popular, reputable (and well advertised!) dating site is Match.com, and in the UK, a number of newspapers have their own dating websites where you can meet like-minded individuals. For example, The Guardian has Soulmates and The Telegraph has Telegraph Dating.

Specialist/Alternative Online Dating Websites

There are also a number of less mainstream, more specialised dating websites to find someone of a particular type:

Smartphone/Mobile Dating Apps

And finally, with smartphones becoming more and more popular, there are now a number of phone applications that can help you meet new people, and perhaps your future partner. Skout is an example of a smartphone app that uses GPS technology to find someone near you when you’re out and about. You can chat (and flirt) with someone, and exchange photos, until you’re ready to meet in person – and Skout never reveals your exact location or phone number. You can stay relatively anonymous until you’re ready to give more information out. The Skout app is free and available from the Apple App Store and the Google Play store. For the gay male community, there’s Grindr. You might also like to check out Joseph Atkins’s post on the 25 Best Free Gay Dating Apps. Blendr is patterned after Grindr and is the “straight” version of this app. The online dating sites Match.com and eHarmony have also joined the smartphone revolution with their own apps: Match.com mobile and eHarmony mobile.

So with all those tools and websites at your disposal, all there is left to do now is go for it! You can also check out our post on Online Dating – Could A Facebook Dating App Become The World’s Biggest Dating Site? and learn how to perfect your online dating profile in Online Dating – Creating A Successful Online Dating Profile.